Chance on love.

“It is wrong to ask for love? ” I asked him.

“No its not” he said.

“But i want it so badly. I want with all my heart. No guy likes me that way. All i have had are jerks in my life. I am just fed up but i still want some one, its a depressing yet a unsettling feeling at the same time. I just want to be loved. ” I said with a deep breath in the end.

” I’m sorry i was a jerk too. ” He said.

“No..stop it. You were a little bit….but you also loved me the most among all the guys i dated. You were so different…I actually had a idea of us lasting together. But… ” I said looking down.

“Hmm yea..me too.” He said while holding my hand slightly.

” I’m really sorry. I wish you could get a guy who you deserve and give you the abundant love, you could ever recieve. ” He said with a sad smile.

I leaned my head on his shoulder. It just felt perfect. Like this was all i needed. Like i just wanted this all my life. I closed my eyes. With my head on his shoulders and our hands entwined. We just sat there without saying a word. We just felt the silence. We just felt the sorrow.

” It’s good that we are friends now.” I said with my eyes closed.

“Yea..” he said.

I lifted my head. I had no idea that he was so close to me. He curled my hair strands behind my ear.

“You always had big eyes. Big ones.. Shinny like stars.” He said with a smile and his fingers still on my neck.

I just looked at him and i didn’t know what came upon me and i just leaned closer to him without thinking….and kissed him.

He caught me by the neck and deepened the kiss. We had kissed each other after a very long time.

After 2 years.

It was like it was calling me. It was tempting me to feel his lips. I wanted to know whether do we have the same touch like we had before. That mystery was haunting me in his eyes before i could kiss him.

And i stopped, so did he.

“We weren’t supposed to do that.” I said.

“Yeah…” He said.

” But we did”. He said with a smile.

I pulled myself away from him. But he didn’t let go of my hand nor my waist.

“No.. We can’t do this. We promised each other. ” I said with tears in my eyes.

“I know. But this feels so right. Give me one chance. Please come on. I love you. I always have. And i always will. Pleasee…” he kissed me again. This time tenderly, softly.

“I’m sorry…i dont want to lose you too..all i have is you. I can’t lose you.” I said weeping.

“You won’t…”he said.

“Because i will be there for you even if you are with me or without. I will always be there for you. Please.” He said with tears and pain in his heart.

“Shusshh..stop crying.” I said. “You look ugly ” i said with a giggle.

This time i gave love one more chance.

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…..

I’m single for past 5 months now. But while i was walking suddenly i saw something which reminded me of something else.

My ex once told me “Don’t ever turn your back to me.” I asked why? He said “because you have a sexy ass… And whenever you turn your back to me, i stop whatever I’m doing. I get distracted”

I just remembered it now. I don’t know why. It just came across my mind.

And it grew a smile on my face.

My bestie.

Well, today’s matter is about best friends. So as everyone know that best friends are essential for every body. So that you can cry on their shoulder when you breakup with a jerk or make jokes of the same girl you hate sooo much. Maybe just eat ice cream all day and talk about some shit irrelevant to you or anyone else. And maybe who gives their life for just that one smile. Loses all his or her money to buy something really wanted for so long. Maybe sing to you when you feel blue and dance to make you laugh. Fight with you on stupid things but yet can’t remain talking to you for 2 secs. Well I have a best friend whom i love the most in this world. She is my brother, my sister my guide and my food thief. I love her with all my heart. She is the only person i care for. I can fight with her and for her. I can tell sorry to her. She is the only one i have no ego for. She has seen me in my best and in my worst. She has seen me fat and thin. Bold and shy. She has seen me cry and angry. She has seen me hairy and bald. She is the one. I can rely on and i know she will hold me. Not now , not tomorrow but forever. 12 years and yet counting.

I love you aditya dharman.

And P.S Happiieee birthday.

Never leaving you.

Capture+_2018-07-16-14-30-38-1I am a victim of stalking. I have been stalked for a while now and everytime I feel someone is following me or looking at me constantly. I feel I am never alone not even for one moment. Everytime I change residences its normal. Every phone number I change to, its normal. Every job I change to, its normal. Getting a restraining order, normal. I have no idea what’s normal and abnormal anymore. Today sitting in my chair looking outside the window in a house that has been changed for the 10th time. He haunts my dreams and my life. He haunts my every being on this earth. At 12 o’lock in the night, I decide to sleep with a heavy head but I couldn’t. I had to pee. Everytime when i fall asleep with great difficulty, I have to pee – So fucking irritating. So I walked down by the stairs in the dark. I looked at the hallway, felt something weird. So I walked towards it. Reached the door. Looked through the eyehole. No one. “Just relax. Its nothing.” I said in my mind to myself. Took a deep breath and resumed my walking towards the bathroom. When I heard a noise from the kitchen. Startled, I breathed heavily and looked with wide eyes towards the kitchen door. I took small, steady and quiet steps towards the kitchen. I stepped in. I look around. But found nothing. I could feel the cool wind coming through the window. I saw a spoon fallen down from the stand. It may have fallen down because of the wind blowing the curtain towards the stand. I pick it up. Wash it. Wipe it with a kitchen towel. And hang it over the stand and closed the window. I breathed heavily. Thinking its okay and it was just the wind. I walked towards the kitchen door. Look behind. Everything looked fine. I switched off the light and walked towards the bathroom. I entered and switched on the light. Weirdly the light wasn’t on. “Shit” I said frustrated. “I need to fix that light” I told myself. I pulled my pants down. Peed and washed myself up. Looked myself at the mirror. “You need to let it go. You need to forget about him. You need to be brave.” I said closing my eyes tightly and telling myself each word softly.

I knew I felt something weird. I felt something behind my nape of my neck. I felt someone breathing heavily behind me. And thats when I heard “Did you miss me ?”.

And I didnt dare to open my eyes but when I did I saw him behind me through the mirror with a smile and a knife in his hand.

And I just froze.

Soon.

images

I thought you were in my head.

Looking at the mirror when I see it.

Peeking at the side of the door when I shower.

Creating the door creaking noise when I am sleeping.

The TV getting wound up on when it was switched off.

The light switched on when it was switched off.

The water flowing from the tap in the middle of the night.

The loud music on the stereo when it’s unplugged.

As i prayed to the lord to save me from you,

The lord answered, “How can I save you when you don’t even exist.”

Soon I realized that you weren’t in my head but I was in yours.

Soon I realized that you were scared of me than I was with you.

Soon I realized I was immortal but you weren’t.

Soon I realized that I was the ghost that you could see everywhere.

Soon only one would survive.

💙

I just miss him, the heart said.

You have to stop. You can’t do this again. Not again, the mind said.

But I just want him, i miss him…i love him. Cried the heart.

If you want him again, Promise me. The mind said.

What? The heart said.

If you fall in love with him again , I won’t be there to catch you.

I won’t be there to pick you up. Make a choice. The mind said.

And the heart just cried its heart out because it knew that it had to forget him.

Again.

She made a choice.

She chose her mind.